the process

when you want so badly to help things, but know that the most powerful form of education you have received has come from within you. from your own self reflections. your own manipulation of what has been shown to you. because everything that has been shown to you has been incorrect. or at least you have benefitted from seeing it that way. its the wrong content. the wrong medium, the wrong audience, an incorrect assumption, or something left untouched, or that higher level of self critique. Something is always lacking.

and so to accept the lacking of my own bits. to see the flaws so glaring. so there, and present and true. to see them and to declare them. because you think they must be declared. almost more important than the content is the self exposure. the awareness.
it doesn't matter what i do as long as i am aware of it.
because the awareness is so profound it is an end in itself, or you think it could be, if you could just find a way to take it there. But you cannot, because as far as you can take it. as far as you can lead, if you can show someone the way, they can take that next step... and betray the whole process. and its retched and bad, and bleak.